Myths About Marriage

I would like to give my two cents about, John W. Jacobs, M.D. article on the "7 Lies About Marriage". I subscribe to this site, Ivillage.com and happened upon this article by chance and after reading it I find that there is a grain of truth in what he explains in his article, so let me get on with my opinions:

All you need is love!
For all the oldies out there I guess the Beatles had it right, when it comes to stuff and relationships, "All you need is love" actually is wrong. I always hear he/she knows that I love him/her so that should be enough right, this of course is a grave mistake as marriage is about skill and diligence it does not end with "I do" but is a work in progress, you have to treat it like your most favorite thing to do in the whole world like a guitar player it is not enough that you love to play or sing you have to practice to be good at it, same goes for marriage.



You talk we talk everybody talks!

The only other animal that closely resembles human interaction in my opinion would be a parrot, people rarely in a conversation listen and when I say listen this does not mean just shutting your pie hole but actually let the conversation sink in whole. Often when someone is talking we are already forming an answer or opinion in our minds and therefore we end up getting to misunderstandings. We are taught to say and shoot straight from the hip which would be ok were we still living in the wild west, but in marriage brutal honesty is just that, brutal. A lot more tact and care, respect in the conversation goes a long way.

A lot of marriages fail because of communication but learning to talk and listen is just the first steps toward a good marriage.

I am guilty of this sometimes, he he can't really admit I am all wrong but I am learning =).




People don't change!

People try to mold each other in many ways, when we are at work we are taught conformity, we have individualism but that is the image of the company that we work for, so it is with marriage. There are times when couples try to change some of their failings but when they falter, it reinforces their belief that "People don't change" so instead of giving their marriage a chance couples just opt away and go for a divorce.




When you marry, you create your family legacy!

Come spring people start cleaning their attics, and start throwing away stuff that they don't need and generally they opt to go brand new as spring symbolizes renewal and life. My question is why do couples carry so much emotional baggage, this can be in the form of past experiences with their family and in some ways this clouds the present marriage as we tend to generalize our partners in marriage.

This all the more evident in couples whose parents are divorced, they generally do not trust their husbands as they believe that they will end up like father/mother who has infidelity issues.
Egalitarian marriage is easier than traditional marriage!

In present society it is very hard to find stay at home moms/dads as our culture has put it in our head that when it comes to responsibility in the marriage the traditional man provides and wife does the dishes is not acceptable anymore.

Marriage should be a shared responsibility with 50/50 split in all tasks, in this manner each of the parties involves develops a healthy appreciation of each others worth in the marriage. This is a typical person doing his share of the 50/50 of course as he would say it feels like 70/30 ha ha.

Children solidify a marriage!

A lot of people say that kids in a marriage are what bind the couples together but why is it that even with kids people still divorce, probably because with all the time devoted to the kids they neglected themselves in the process.

It is important that even if you have kids your spouse should come first as this will make for an intact family, remember the stories of people who have lost all feelings for each other staying together only for the sake of their kids is wrong, they should have not neglected themselves or their partners, a loving couple will always have time for their children. Find time for your partner.
Great sex easier than ever.

We are surrounded by sexual innuendo in everything we do and we see, TV shows portray people having terrific sex but when it comes to your own it just does not match up, want to know why? The reason being is that what used to be sacred and only you and your partners has been shown a lot in the media that ofter you don't feel you can live up to the hype.

In your mind you are replaying the scene that you saw and living in that fantasy expect the same in your marriage so when it turns up not as great then you look for this fantasy somewhere else and so begins the downfall.

Couples should learn to discover themselves and clear their minds of what the media shows us what great sex should be.